Sometimes you stumble upon inappropriate names in surprising unexpected places like on packaging or street signs or when eavesdropping on a nearby conversation. And sometimes you discuss them all with your team while driving for 11 hours on a crazy race adventure road trip. It's a total crap shoot, but wherever you find those inappropriate names you will typically find cheap entertainment. And all these ri"dick"ulously inappropriate names made us all giggle a lot on our latest running adventure. Had we named our team this past weekend, we would have been The Real Housewives of Jersey Shore and Richard. Instead we were Mixed Vegetables. It will all make sense once you read this story so read on my friends!
It is always a challenge to come up with a team name for Ragnar Relays because the name sets the tone for the entire epic and amazing experience. It has to be perfect. It has to be well thought out, clever, and if at all possible funny.
A little historical context for this story is necessary so here we go! Back in 2019 (yes like over two years ago) when we signed up for the Ragnar Lake Wawayanda Trail Relay Race, Mird was working as one of a hand full of female Plant Managers for Bonnie Plants and she was a serious diehard vegetable grower. Thus our team was named Mixed Vegetables because we thought it was cool, healthy, fun and hip and also because we were drinking vodka at the time! We even bought crazy cool running tights with a variety of mixed vegetables on them. Anyhow, fast forward past all that messiness of Covid and all that the past two years did to our lives and today Mixed Vegetables seems kind of weird, puzzling, and outdated. Sure we could have changed the name, but we decided to just grow with it anyways because we couldn't think of a name that would beet Mixed Vegetables and we carrot not what others think of us...Just lettuce finish! Honestly, we were both too busy to try to think of a different name so it was just who we were: Mixed Vegetables. The name led many people to question us regarding our opinion on meat eating and many people from other teams actually thought we were vegan! As if! The very existence of bacon ensures that I will never be vegan and I am pretty sure Mird feels the same way. Collectively the team thought up a bunch of clever vegetable taglines, and packed our bags because we were headed to New Jersey!!! (**Mird and I both underwent serious career changes during Covid and she no longer grows vegetables now it's flowers and I am no longer a substitute teacher I am a bonafide special education teacher). Our lives look very differently today than they did back then...
On this most recent running adventure just before we arrived to Ragnar Village there was a deeper (or maybe shallower...I'm not sure) conversation going on in my van about the use of inappropriate names within our culture! Dick was the main name discussed although a few others were mentioned as well like Pussy Willow and Pussy Galore. We discussed a few of the most flagrantly inappropriate names and then pulled into Ragnar Village to check in. We were greeted by none other than Peter. Seriously, we all giggled a lot as Peter (haha) explained the basics to us after informing us he actually knew very little because he'd been hired off Craigs List just two days ago! Can you say "oversharing?!" The entire exchange with Peter (haha) was completely ludicrous and we all have stronger ab muscles as a result.
After wandering a bit around the parking areas because Peter (haha) had no useful information about the camping situation, we found the rest of our veggies at camp. They already had our tents set up, our packet picked up and they were busy relaxing. That's an oxymoron I've never used before!
Thursday night Domin made us authentic quesadillas and we sat around our totally legal fire pit. There was a chicken lady running around spouting out all kinds of rules and regulations that we did our best to ignore because honestly she was a real buzz kill and we were just there trying to catch a good time.. Spirits were high and everyone drank lightly because we knew Friday morning 8 am we had to start running. Here's a picture of camp and the running line-up if you zoom in!
When the race line-up was finalized, Mird was running in position 1 and Vern was in position 7 which meant she would not run until roughly 3 in the afternoon. This seemed much too late to Vern so she decided to run Mird's lead off leg with her. Safety Steve greeted us upon arrival on race morning and was the emcee so that was pretty awesome. It was so cool meeting him in person. His personality is just as awesome LIVE**. This was our first time enjoying Ragnar running together and it was THE BEST. We chatted and ran at record speed (or just fast enough so as to not wipe out) and took in the beauty of Wawayanda State Park. When we finished we tagged off and headed to drink coffee and eat breakfast. There are all kinds of crazy stories from our journey. In an attempt to foster relationships and encourage direct communication, I wont share the details. You will have to track one of us down and hear our stories first hand.
Ragnar Lake Wawayanda, New Jersey Starting Line Photos
There were a few tranquil, calm and relaxing moments nestled among all the chaos, excitement, and positive high energy that is Ragnar. I could be wrong, but I think all of us experienced at least a couple of zen-like moments out on the trail when we weren't busy trying to climb some ridiculous hill or safely descend over a bunch of loose rocks while being chased by bears.
Also Noteworthy about race day... Friday night into Saturday morning hurricane Ian made an appearance. Well needless to say we could have lived without meeting him, but it will make this Ragnar a more memorable one because we all persevered through the rain, cold and wind and we made it back to tag off to our respective teammates. Temperatures were in the forties and it was windy, rainy and bitter cold. We mostly weathered the storm well until our tent started leaking and we found ourselves swimming around 4 am. After my 2 am run I was frozen to the core. Conservatively, I'd say I drank roughly 2-3 gallons of hot cocoa trying to prevent hypothermia and avoid losing a limb. I just "chilled" in the coffee/cocoa tent sipping on the delicious chocolatey liquid life-saving elixir and chatting with anyone who entered. Let's just say, I am pretty sure there are a lot of Ragnarians from other teams out there who are telling stories to their friends about the creepy, loco-cocoa, tent lady...and the stories are probably true!
Oh man I almost forgot about the bears and the bears are a big deal so here's the deal with the bears. Back in 2019 when we signed up it was the reputation for bears that urged us to select Lake Wawayanda over other Ragnar locations. We thought it added a level of excitement, danger, and awesomeness to know that bears were often seen at the race. Remember we were drinking vodka at the time so give us a little empathy and understanding. Anyhow, the race did not disappoint in the bear department. There were several bear sightings and if you zoom in on this picture there's a sow and her cub playing in the lake (little black dots). Several runners had "run" ins with bears along the trails. However, the bears must be used to people because there were not any runners eaten, chased, or killed and more importantly no bears were harmed for the making of this Ragnar.
So once again we were not fast, but we were not last and we had an awesome adventure along the way. Coming out of Covid, Mixed Vegetables was just what my soul needed. Ragnar really provides the best race experience possible regardless of bears, hurricanes, treacherous trails, psycho lady at yoga, Nazi massage people, or anything else you can throw at them. They just continue on bringing the awesome race experience that we've grown to love and cherish.
Favorite Mixed Vegetable quotes:
Other than the running, I had a really great time!
Captain Buzz Kill reporting for duty
It looks like nipples
It's Kansas not Oklahoma
She really doesn't want to get rear ended
I feel pretty good; I just have to take my pants off
If I wasn't driving, I would definitely be drinking
Every good show needs a dick
Dick
Peter
Not a lane. Not a lane. Not a lane. Mississippi!
I just chew and swallow (possibly misinterpreted)
I only PR when I am lost
I'm committed to sobriety
So these quotes were made by people who shall remain nameless to protect their reputations as bad ass runner people and not idiots, bigots, alcoholics, or something worse. Also, because it would be embarrassing to me to admit to some of the things I've said. In our defense we were all exhausted, dehydrated and high on life!
When you drive 11 hours for a race you are bound to see some unusual things along the way. This trip we saw a horse trailer being held together by a dog leash. A dead bear cub on the side of the road. My ticket blew away getting onto the Ohio turnpike and I had to squeeze out of the van and chase it down. I am pretty sure that was entertaining to those passing by. A dead coyote pup along the road. And 43 license plates from different states and provinces. Also Mird and I did a Chinese Fire Drill at the Ohio Turnpike station on our return trip!
Post Ragnar is always a challenging time. You are never quite sure what to do with yourself and you miss the comradery and positive energy that is abundant at Ragnar. I am eternally thankful for the team and so proud of everyone for their performance. Thanks to our efforts, we finished with a respectable time and we were not last!
Until next time, happy trails.
**Safety Steve is the person who used to make all the cool safety videos that you would be required to watch upon arrival at Ragnar Village. There was a movie tent that felt like a real theatre minus the popcorn and candy and you watched a hilarious video about all things safety while at Ragnar. It was so funny the first three Ragnars and this time they must have a lower budget or something because there were two new actors who were much less entertaining than Steve who told us information I can't recall because I totally zoned out and didn't get much out of the safety video. I am actually kind of surprised I survived given my lack of attention during my safety video...
Vern
